Created  Dec. 17, 2018                                                                                 see also

   Truth is my business!            Hoaxtead Watch No. #57

Victims' Fear of the Past

There is probably no greater source of fear that which can often come from ourselves. this is compounded and amplified when the fear come from former torture, ritual abuse. Even though there are many thousands to date that have remembered and disclosed, their past suffering of chronic abuse, at least as a child if not into adulthood, as would be the case with a mind control victim.

Many who begin to have flashbacks and bad dreams that seemed so real, or begin to have memories of extreme abuse by mom and dad or a programmer; these will often be terrified, which is easy to understand, but then want nothing to do with those memories and flee the therapy and never come back. Keep in mind that they never had a clue that anything ever happened to them, before this. It had all been hidden away. But when it begins to happen, they want to avoid it. Many of them had fond memories of mom and dad. They do not want to let go of that.

Truth is, most people fear truth and reality. its is the rare one that is willing to keep going down the rabbit hole to see what is at the bottom.

Today's Blog is about a courageous victim of ritual abuse who faces her fears and writes a blog about those and of Ritual Abuse. In contrast to her, He brother could not bear to let any memories up and out. I'll introduce you to the Blog, first, and then her story.

From the Blog: Ritual Abuse

Missing My Brother

December 10, 2018 by Jean, posted in love, Christmas, grief

* Background on Pagan winter holidays is at 

* And here is a post on how I handled Christmas through the years.

* Don’t forget that I’m putting together an anthology of accounts of survivor’s loss of a baby through forced abortion, sacrifice, or forced adoption. I am also looking for submissions from husbands, partners, close friends, therapists, or pastors.

You can ask me questions or send your submission through this blog’s comment section,, or PO Box 14276, 4304 18th Street, San Francisco CA 94114. And tell your friends!


RA INFO Ritual Abuse, Ritual Crime and Healing

Information and Resources for Survivors, Therapists and Others:

The Story of Her and Her Brother

I’ve been in a funk for the best part of the last two weeks without knowing why. I didn’t think I was triggered, but one never knows. I thought I was just overtired from poor sleep due to pain from arthritis.

My new friend, Starling, and I meet weekly to discuss cult matters and life in general. We talk uninterrupted for ten minutes and then ask for feedback. I chose to describe my low mood and Starling said that she thought I was grieving. I talked about my Australian friend David, who died last year, for a while and then suddenly remembered that my brother’s birthday had passed unnoticed.

My brother has always been very important to me, as he was the only person in my family I liked or loved. We were close as children but grew apart as adults, mostly thanks to his extreme social anxiety. Then in 2001 he had a massive stroke which left him almost completely paralyzed and unable to talk. He spent the next eight years in a nursing home before dying of MRSA.

Truth1:  Notice the abused brother suffered from extreme social anxiety, almost certain caused by his horrific ritual abuse as we will soon find out. He has a heart attack (caused by atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease, caused by the horrific abuse which results psychological injuries, that are pretty much  no different from a slow poisoning or permanent injury. The instinctive brain treats physical, emotional, psychological injuries all the same. We be come crippled and remain so, likely till we die. Recovered Memory Therapy (RMT) is the only option if you want to try to undo the injuries and return to normal, and live longer and or healthier. But that is a scary road to take, for more people. Most won't do it. <<T1 end

Jean: All my adult life, I had watched him slowly disappear and I had grieved the progressive loss of our relationship. And now he really is gone and there is nothing I can do about it. There are so many things I wish I had said to him even though it would have made him uncomfortable. I hope he knew how much I cared about him and how sad I was – and am – that his life was so hard.

One didn’t talk about important things in our family. It just wasn’t done. We pretended that unimportant things were important, things like the kind of clothes you wore or whether you went to a fancy school. Or table manners. You wouldn’t believe the amount of energy my parents put into criticizing our table manners. All this attention to trivia masked the family secrets.

Truth1: Ritual or mind control families are very careful in trying to avoid triggers which can be set off, despite programming. Everything is so un-natural in such families. The  funny thing is, our whole society and Hoaxtead, too, are like that. So many things we can not or should talk about or are afraid to talk about. All our values and priorities are all mixed up and contradictory. Again, you can see the similarity between mind control and dissociation; and our everyday lives. We still get a good dose of bad programming.   <<T1 end

Jean: By then, I was talking a little more freely about real things and so disclosed the ritual abuse to him. He said, “I am sorry I can’t help you. I have no memories.” But he didn’t reject me or think I was crazy. Under the shock of having me disclose, he leaked some information. He told me that the reason he couldn’t look people in the eye was that he saw a knife in their eye and blood. Tell me that is not a cult memory trying to push up to the surface! He never wanted to hear anything about my abuse after that. It was too much, and his defenses tightened up.

I am sorry he never had a chance to remember and to feel the relief of knowing what actually happened, knowing that his symptoms made sense and were not his fault. I sometimes irrationally feel that I prevented him from remembering, that I magically took all the memories and all the healing and left him with nothing.

But it doesn’t work that way. It is a mystery why one person remembers and another doesn’t, why one person’s defenses crack and another’s stay rigidly in place. All I can do is accept that fact and be very sad for him, and for my parents, too.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ end of blog~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Truth1: If RMT is not pursued by abuse victims, then They suffer from guilt, neurotic behavior, healthy problems and early death, perhaps due to cancer or a heart attack or stoke. It will also be required of any who wish to live in God's Kingdom of 1000 years of rehabilitation, I suspect. RMT is the way back to normal and healing. It reverses all the damage as was the intention.

But the main point of all this is that most are afraid of truth stored inside them. That is the typical response. But the "CIA in disguise" False Memory Syndrome Foundation and Hoaxtead, too, will use these fearful abuse victims, who are, truth be said, not only abuse victims, but also easy to continue to be abuse easily by their fears of the past.

The professional liars will use a victim who runs away from therapy and swears none of their memories were true (because they do not want the memories to be true), and this is how therapists can often be framed for planting memories, sued, and have their licenses taken from them. Its a thin line and a dangerous occupation that has the task of leading people to truth. Truth is what most humans most despise.

So the reality is, that those victims that run or deny, are further aiding and abetting their abusers and harming fellow victims. But they are not to be judged to harshly, for the abuse they endured was extreme, severe, and horrific and no human should have to go thru that.

Its can also be said that those who do escape and disclose, are twice as remarkable and worthy of praise and gratitude for what they have delivered to us all. They are conquering heros in every sense.

And anyone like Hoaxtead who spreads the lies about buried memories of horrific abuse are truly the scum of the earth. Take a bow, EC!

 Truth1 Out!

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                                                       Truth is my business!

The further a society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate those that speak it.  .  .  .   George Orwell

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