Started  May. 11, 2014       Finished Dec 25, 2014                       

Self Pity, Success & Failure


Sub-headings:
The Premise
Self-Pity
Superiority Complex
Success & Failure
A Breakthrough Experience
Examples of Progress
Nay Sayers

Related Articles


The Premise
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This is about 3 or the most dangerous attitudes or experiences we can have. Psychology does not address these anywhere near enough. On the other hand, so called self-help books have often done pretty well with these subjects, but I thought Christians should consider some thing a bit more. This is applied psychology, or if you prefer, the knowledge, wisdom, and understanding often promoted in Proverbs.

When we cleanse our souls, our thinking, to make ourselves clean in the eyes of God, we have to think about how we react to success, failure, self-pity and other related things. We have to be willing to take a close intimate, but very harsh painful look at our real selves, rather than just kid ourselves that we are great, without merit. So join me on this roller coaster ride, if you will and see what I am referring to.

This article may be quite a bit shorter than I typically write, but I wanted these points to stand out and get read, too.



Self-Pity

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Over the years, I have lived with 3 very dysfunctional people, my parents and brother. All were or are, basket cases. I have met several other people who had outstanding problems that had a common theme among them. These were huge lessons for me in my life, as I tried to ponder what was behind the mental defects.

Self-pity is at the top of the list, for so many types. The most typical response from self-pity types is sort of paraphrased in the following statement:

"God, how I have suffered through life.
Life has been tough, a nightmare.
It only seems to happen to me.
I am tired of  it just being me.
So I gave up on life and decency and just look out for myself now."

I think most people feel like they have suffered. We are not conceived, brought to term, given birth; nor have any of us really understood what we were doing as parents and our parents did not understand us, either. To top it off, the world treats us all miserable by design (of the devil). so no one has ever been born who has not suffered considerably, compared to how life should have been if we had known much better and treated better ourselves.

So no one can claim to be unique in human suffering. Its bullshit, pure and simple. Now, some have certainly suffered more than others, but suffering is a many faceted thing. There are many types of suffering. Emotional suffering, such as neglected or psychological torment and mind-games, physical suffering due to medical things, physical suffering due to physically abusive treatment like beating, rape, and the life. There is the deprivation of poverty, with lack of enough food, shelter, clothing, etc.

There is societal and judicial violations of people, in essence, a sort of rape, really. These are the least discussed, but when society at large, treats us unfairly and denies to us what others have by means of the grape vine or courts and legal system. Examples are if our peer groups rejects us or singles us out for no good reason. Maybe a church group punishes us from daring to ask questions or challenge things. Maybe the work place becomes  harsh because the boss or a busy body decides they do not like us, so they make trouble through the workplace for us. Maybe we are retaliated upon for not going along with certain questionable polices. Maybe we refused to sleep the boss, huh?

Maybe we get screwed by the courts because we little people have  our lawyer misrepresent us and the other side has rich influential opponents with politically well connected allies in government, business, etc. Maybe the police dealt with us unfairly, acting more like predators looking for money rather than being primarily concerned about real dangerous crimes, as their bosses make them revenue collectors rather than agents of meaningful enforcement.

Then there are the day to day constant screwings we get at the hands of so many merchants, retailers, contractors, bankers, utilities, and other give us, without no protections granted by our political representatives, who let these money people who control our lives, just run all over us, when they could place meaningful limits and restraints upon businesses so that we can get justice without going thru an elaborate legal process that only takes and does not give, and leaves us twice as screwed as before. But since it is big business interests that pay to get the right politicians maneuvered into office, to make laws the side with business against us the people, we can only get screwed and have no hope.

Now given this long list of abuse we all suffer daily and hourly, it is amazing that we have not all perched ourselves on high roop tops and staring shooting away. But most of us adapt enough to survive with a small measure of sanity left. But it should also be painfully clear that when all forms of suffering considered together, most are full of all sorts of horrendous suffering that is totally and completely un-necessary and unjustified. But then again, we all tend to do as everyone else does, and add to the misery, rather than sooth or relieve it.

So everyone is full of pain and suffering. So get over yourself. Its not just you. The whole world suffers in great misery. Read my article on Suicide for more on that aspect. You are not unique in suffering. You are typical in suffering. You're not special; You're just like everyone else! In many ways, when we decide its only us, we are being selfish and setting ourselves in a unique position, adopting a stand of "Exceptionalism," that we are something exceptional and uniquely justified more than others to cop out and make excuses and return evil to others because you have suffered so much more than anyone else. Just you and only you. Bullshit!

An Anomaly, An Irony

I find another unusual aspect of this self-pity trip. Some of the most compassionate and caring individuals are often those who have suffered considerably themselves, or have had tremendous obstacles to overcome. Now how can this be when they have suffered so much? Well, for starters, they gave more thought to their suffering. 2nd, they did not consider their suffering or obstacles as that big or that much. They did not give it a lot of weight.

So why do some return evil for evil  -  while others return evil with goodness, kindness, consideration, empathy, understanding, mildness, gentleness, caring, and compassion? I would like to offer a possible suggestion.

Self-Pity is Selfishness

Lets say that a man is all wrapped up in a dark mood, and sits in a chair brooding. His child comes up to him and wants to sit in his lap, or read a book to him or something like that. The man tells him to go away, and leave him alone. Now I have no doubt the man is suffering. We all have dark moods and if you know enough about Primal Therapy and Dr. Janov's theories and books, then you won't dispute that dark moods are unavoidable. They keep coming after us all, at times.

But we have another problem here. The child has gone off very hurt and feeling rejected. Too many of these and the child will begin to doubt his value and worth and feel like he is bad or unlovable. It can ruin him for life and then he will have dark moods and be inclined to shun others while in these black holes of brooding.

Shall we just let this perpetuate for all time? Or shall we do something about it? Let's look at this more carefully. When we encounter someone, we assume certain attitudes toward that person. We are not aware of it because it is sort of automatic. We have natural empathies which can be preserved or destroyed after birth by how we are treated by parents, siblings, and the world.

Dad tells the kid that he is busy right now or not in the mood. Does dad show any concern for how the child will feel? Does he even care what the child will feel? I say no, at least relatively speaking. Dad thought his own miserable feelings were more justified and more important than the feelings of his child. So he sent the child away. In fact, dad probably thinks that his feelings are more important than his wife's as well. In fact, his wife probably thinks her's are more important than his. To dad, anyone of his family are less important than his own feelings and moods. He is selfish and self-centered.

However, let his boss walk in and see what a change you get. Now he will be all smiles and glee. What happened to that important mood? Or if a celebrity or a politician walked in, he would also change his mood to nothing but sunshine. Their feelings are more important this his, in his mind. He knows how much they could affect  his life. They could bite back and hard, too. But in general, dad will slight friends, neighbors, extended family, maybe co-workers of the same rank. But dad would never slight or harm himself by slighting someone important and much higher ranking  than himself.

Dad is selfish and he knows, at some level, what he is doing. So does his wife and child. When in public at large, without identification, dad treats all strangers as less than he is and not worth coming out of his mood for. His moods and feelings are far more important than relatively anyone else. He places himself above all, with some limited exceptions that count. And he only accommodates the exceptions because they could really hurt him if he placed himself above them and they detected it. So it is still rooted in selfishness.

Ever witness a complete, totally opposite, mood change, instantaneously, right before your eyes? A fit of rage and anger, he picks up the phone, and in the sweetest voice, put on his very best act for whoever. If important, the change remains. If not, he might lower the sweetness but not totally. I call this the Jeckle/Hyde syndrome. Changes can happen instantly. Yes, we have that ability to some degree, but at the same time, you can see that his mood can change at will, if the desire is there. He does have control over it, without dispute. Tony Robbins talks about these altered or sudden change states. I recommend him. He is better than many psychologists, in my opinion.

So dad made excuses for his behavior with his kid:

"I am suffering.
I am justified in my feelings.
My feelings are more important than my kid's.
The kid won't feel anything, anyway.
I have suffered more than my kid has.
She can overcome it as I once did." (bullshit!)

Now these are all easy statements to make without thought. But most of them are lies. The father talks to himself to reassure himself and ease his own conscience. But as well, hidden deep below in dark places, he knows he is a liar and a bastard. But he must ignore that or he would really feel some pain or might have to think about changing his attitude and reactions to those around him. That might be work and effort and he hates those. So he takes the easiest way out. So he is also lazy, by default.

Every person who commits various crimes against others, does so by the process of justification. He or she will rationalize that they have suffered so much more so that they are entitled to some "compensation," by abusing those who have suffered less. and no matter who they injure, no doubt, the injured person has always suffered less because no one has ever suffered more than that self-pity SOB. See how easy it is to lie to one's self?

Self-pity is selfish, deceitful, egotistical, grossly distorted, and reveal evil intent. All evil carried out, only requires that we see some others as less than ourselves. Otherwise, we are all fairly equal in rights and due process of law, whether in a formal court or the law of peers or the public.

Self-pity leads to the greatest of evils, every time. Now let me put it this way.

The Opposite of Self-Pity:  Selflessness

Let me define selflessness before some get to upset. It is not ignoring your own needs. It is not necessarily slightly yourself for all others in all instances. But it surely is not putting yourself generally and continually, above others. In general, we should aim to consider all others as generally equal to ourselves, no better, no worse. As equals, you can not justify slighting others automatically. When a conflict arises between whether you should consider the other person's feelings or not, there is no question that you can not by default, automatically select your own feelings over that of the other person.

You have to come out of your mood and make an examination of both sides, which you will not have enough time to do, or by default, you will have to come out of your mood and treat the person in the best manner possible. Now especially in the case of the dad/child, the child should absolutely take precedence over dad. Why? Because the child depends on the parents for everything, and is especially vulnerable, delicate in feelings, easily, far more easily, hurt, and has a real needs for parental affection and attention. If you did not want to be a dad, then you should have had a vasectomy or a castration, or used some birth control or stayed away from marriage or casual sex.

True, we were all harmed by our ignorant parents, even as we are quite ignorant as parents. But in the eyes to God, we are accountable to God and our kids, at the age of 20. If ya can't take the heat, stay the hell out of the kitchen and the desert! Man up or get out! So it is the parents' duty to sacrifice their own feelings and moods for those of their kids. Yes, kids have to allow parents some time to themselves, but as well, parents have to give plenty to their kids as well. And most important, if you have to send your kid away, do not do so without explaining your position in detail.

"Honey/Son, how about a little later. Dad needs a little time to wind down from work and recover without talking and just sort of resting for a little time. How about giving my half an hour and coming back and I'll read to you. How does that sound?"  Kid says, fine. Sounds good to me. If you show some thought and consideration, the child will be quite understanding in most cases. If not, maybe it is a sign that you have slighted your kid too many times, already.

No Excuses!!!

I have seen the above quite a bit lately. I saw a guy (African American, no less) who lost his legs just below the hips. The wrestling coach in high school suggested he wrestle. He thought the coach was nuts. But the coach knew what he was talking about and continued to urge the boy. Finally, the boy then , relented and began. The coach understood that without his legs, which are of considerable weight, that the boy would have more muscle per pound that others that would weigh the same. More strength per pound would enable a number of victories.

Now a young man, he tours as a motivation speaker. He does phenomenal moves and is remarkable. He learned to stop making excuses and start making changes. He knows how you think about something is the most important aspect of overcoming something. On his shirt he wears the phrase: No Excuses! I see it in the military. I hear it quite a bit now. Unfortunately, I see it misapplied by law enforcement, where no excuses means that the law is not applied with sanity and reason, but with technicalities and using large traffic fines for seatbelts as necessary to "protect" you from yourself as if you were in some big danger. But that is another story.

No excuses is what we need to apply to ourselves. No more bullshit excuses for why we come first all the time and why everyone else does not matter compared to us. We owe our very best to everyone at all times, no excuses.

Think of it this way. if you look out only for yourself and everyone else does the same, you only have 1 person looking out for you. Yourself. Now look out for everyone else and what happens if others do the same? Now everyone is looking out for you, fairly and honestly, so that now you have tens or hundreds no matter where you go or what you do. Having hundreds rather than just one, is a far better deal.

So quit your whining, crying, and complaining, and get over yourself, grow up, be a man (or a decent person), and stop making excuses and start making changes and being a better person to all. While you're at it, stop being so lazy and apathetic about life. You had it no tougher than anyone else. Ditch that stupid ego that has never done a thing for you.

Avoid self-pity at all cost and teach your kids to rise above self-pity.



Superiority Complex
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I have a number of people that come to mind when I write on this subject. One in particular, you could not bring up any subject, for he had to prove to the the smartest and if you took the smart direction, he was going to take the other side and try to make it sound right. he was also trying to justify his own stupidity as being right. In his mind, it was important to be better and superior to everyone else. but it left him as always being combative and arguing the ridiculous. I avoided him like the plague. He as a nut case.

But there are those out there who insist on being number 1 in all things. Their ego will accept no less. They imagine they are the smartest and greatest in the world. So why does the world not recognize them? Good question. But they are masters of ignoring reality. What gives them this super inflated, grossly exaggerated ego? All I know is that they have it and there is no good reason for them having it. But they surely got it. I have seem some on the CBS show "Survivor" who have to be the boss and be followed and recognized or they get all bent out of shape. But most of them have no real skill. They just want to be boss. Its their inherited right, I guess.

Lets just say that they usually have no merit, no outstanding skill, and have nothing to show in accomplishments. So how did their egos get so big. Answer: wishful thinking and dreaming. That's all! These exhibit a strong desire, but it does not match up with reality. These are really far gone people; people who have lost all touch with reality and repulse others and drive them far away. Super delusional in one way of putting it. But here is the funny part.

big important world leaders and powerful men of money and finance, often have the same overblown egos and feelings of superiority. So what is it based on? On the fact that they are wiling to be more ruthless and savage than anyone else and to take what they want by force and compulsion. They are pathological freaks with insatiable egos, out of control libidos, no morals, total psychopaths, who are proud of their predatory nature.

The difference between the first type and the 2nd type are that the first have no real ability, whereas the 2nd do have some ability and usually a lot of inherited wealth and power. But beyond that, they are nearly the same.

From these types we get the nut jobs and wackos who are running this world and plotting to kill most off so that only their superior blood line will have the world to enjoy. Lucky us, huh? They are full of the sense of entitlement, privilege, rights, etc. Where do these come from? I suspect the devil encourages them and has told them they are great and he blesses their every move. The devil laughs for his plot is going to get them all killed as well, but he does not tell them that. He sells the dream to them that they will get the earth all to themselves because they are so superior.

Many people love to imagine that they are superior. What do so many like this concept? As I see it, it is because they want to justify using, abusing, and showing no regard for anyone beneath them. See a good looking woman you want? You have the money to pay or power for force in some way, or blackmail, or just out and out rap and have it covered over. But to ignore a person as a human being and just use them without regard to them, is truly obscene and monstrous. So one has to justify such atrocities by making the person inferior without rights to be considered, or feelings, either.

Remember that self-pity people who slight others because they suffered more than those others and are entitled to use the lesser used, as the story goes. There are many ways to take a person's rights and dignity from them but none are justified in the eyes of God. Those who imagine themselves superior to other are much like the same freaks who think only they have suffered in life and so are justified in harming others who have not suffered nearly as much.

Inside our minds, deep inside, is an ego that seeks to protect itself and also to justify itself, and elevate itself. You can do that by making yourself a better person in behavior, or you can leave reality and concoct a bullshit story or who great your are or how poorly you have been treated and seek your revenge upon the world. But in the end, its all lies, to excuse your sick wishes.

So all nut jobs are just the same. Slightly different behaviors from the same sorts of people.


Success & Failure
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These 2 faces of the same coin have always fascinated me. Either one can kill you. And either one can make you a better person. Success and Failure are the opposite edges of a two-edged sword. Lets have a look at them, shall we?

People born with good looks, or capable loving parents have advantages straight out of the womb. Maybe the parents do well financially and are well connected socially. Their connections are helpful to their kids. If taught and smart, perhaps even athletically skilled, the kids become quite familiar with success. They get use to is and maybe even expect and demand it. Maybe they are even addicted to it. But these types often do not question the world they live in since that world often sings their applause. They enjoy the adulation and praise. Everything seems to go their way. Maybe they even feel entitled to their success. 

Success and praise are an incredible high. But they can be a big trap as well. You don't want to upset the network. You depend on others to help you success, though you might be in denial about it. You can't speak your mind if it offends important allies. Some of those with success can't handle an occasional failure or setback. Or they might find it difficult to lose once in a while. Their good looks pave the way for them and open many doors. Everyone wants them.

Success can blind one who is a prisoner of that success. If everything is going great, you may be inclined to not realize that there are many problems in the world, since there are none for you. Success can be fleeting if you open your mouth in the wrong way or have an unfortunate rare event of failure. The biggest challenge for a person used to success is handling bad breaks and unfortunate events. Its not easy to fall out of the sky and crash land. Some can't handle that. They do not know what to do when they fail. They have not developed a resourceful character and resilience. They may even fall apart when faced with "the other side of life."

On the other hand, a failure might actually wake them up and teach them a few things they had not formerly known. Failure can make or break anyone. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. The rest just sit there and cry unfair.

Failure, on the other hand, or perhaps we can call it being born into bad circumstances, can also have two different results. Being born in poverty, lack of love, no opportunity and no one cares about you. You are always watching out for being preyed upon. You rarely ever seem to get a break. We can end up becoming conditioned and accepting this fate and not even bother to try to escape. We might feel like we were born to lose. We do not even attempt a fight or struggle.

Or it may be that we fight to rise above our lack of advantages, perhaps with mixed results. We might find some breaks once in a great while but despise our lives just the same and feel angry about it or have a gloomy negative outlook about it all. Maybe even bitterness.

Both great success and great lack of success can leave us with the wrong attitudes and outlooks. As well, a taste of the opposite can either anger us or provide us with an opportunity to learn and improve, regardless of our lot in life. Being born into success is tough for many who have that, also have a lot of troubles when things do not go their way. Some have a sense of entitlement, like they are owed success, guaranteed success. They often are not flexible so as to learn "new tricks."

Those at the bottom may spend much time blaming the world for their inability to move up or ahead. Indeed, some types of success are out of reach for the lower classes and one might have to settle for personal successes and accomplishments. That is to say, settle self-satisfaction rather than peer acknowledgement or recognition. You might do good work in certain hobbies, regardless of lack of recognition. In sports, its easier to accomplish and excel and even get recognition, as long as we are not talking professional sports. Pro sports can be very political and financial. Local non-professional sports are much more apt to provide peer recognition.

One can be brilliant and yet never be recognized. One can excel in big ways in many directions but never have it admitted or acknowledged. The challenge for being on the outs with the world or the status quo, if to not let it affect your esteem of yourself. It does take a strong sense of confidence and self-worth to shrug off rejection from society at large.

Many great researchers and sciences types have had to overcome fierce resistance. Same for some with religious ideas. They knew what they had discovered and stuck to it and did not regard the disdain of others. They relied upon their own judgment of themselves, exclusively. More in this in a minute.

For the successful, they actually need some setbacks, rejections, and failure and be able to learn from it and improve themselves so that they can always overcome resistance and not allow a failure to remain as such.

But the greatest accomplishment does come from those who always experience resistance maybe even persecution.


A Breakthrough Experience
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While many who are not recognized as being anything and probably most are not, they all sort of fall under either lost in the masses or persecuted for being a threat or competition. But they can all enjoy personal success and accomplishment and feel good about themselves and satisfied with their lives. But many might doubt or not believe in themselves, perhaps due to a lack of love, or encouragement, or they were picked on by peers when young or other bad situations. Maybe they just always seemed to get overlooked.

Many accept the belief in their early lives that they are not capable of many things or extraordinary things. I declare that all fully functioning human minds are capable of anything. But once a pattern is set in, it may take an "intervention" or a break thru experience or both in combination. The whole idea is that we have to break the pattern with a new pattern to hope to see a new potential in ourselves.

For anyone stuck in a rut, they need to get out of the repeating pattern and experience a new pattern. If you ever saw any of those psychic readings advertisements on TV, with the call me now for your free reading; many people actually found some elevating experiences from advice received. But it was not due to psychic readings. Any half intelligent psychologists knows that if your current and long time pattern is not working or is even quite harmful, the best thing you can do is  .  .  .  something else! Maybe almost anything else. Anything else is apt to work better. So breaking a stale pattern is just good sense, really.

There is a saying that the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expect different results. Intelligence is getting rid of traits or habits that have never yielded any good results and see it better ones can be used instead.

But a good guide or teacher can be more constructive than that. They should be able to pick out bad traits and suggest good strategies or goals to correct behaviors that have not been working.

Many fear trying anything new or anything that might be beyond them at that time. But growth of muscle only takes place when we exceed the strength and/or endurance that we have. This stimulates new muscle growth. Likewise, to grow in intellectual ability, we have to take in knew knowledge that we did not have previously and allow the brain time to guild new connections and understanding for us. If we don't seek new ideas and new knowledge, then we can not get smarter. When effort is applied continually, growth is guaranteed.

There is a certain kind of faith required as well. It should be obvious, what has been called self-evident by Thomas Jefferson, that continual application of effort will yield results. But some do not want to bother to try, figuring it is hopeless. But they need to break that pattern of excuses and give it a good long try. If they do, they will notice a difference, a clear discernible improvement. Once they feel success and accomplishment, it is not likely they will want to stop. Getting them to even try is the hardest part.


Examples of Progress
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Having success, or accomplishing something, gives us a boost. It is a high, really, much like drugs. Hey, it can even become addictive or overdone. But we do need to experience enough so that we enjoy and get great satisfaction out of being able to accomplish things and make progress. This leads to a confidence that we all need. We come to know our abilities and it would be every bit as important to know our limitations in any particular direction so that we don't get to full of ourselves, as if only we could do it.

Whatever gets people high is what they will be drawn to and pursue, more than other things. To be effective as humans who want to reach their full potential, we need to achieve that high in areas that involve increasing the strength and ability of the intellect and curiosity. We need to get high on learning, solving problems, taking on challenges to our minds, and developing more abilities. Competence is a great feeling and a real high. It tends to diminish fear and insecurity.

Let me illustrate an example involving tennis and the mind. Tennis involves the mind a lot. When I was getting near to an intermediate level, but not quite there, a ball hit fast would send me scrambling after it in fear. Not fear like fear of death, but it was reason to be real concerned and reacting in sort of a panic mode. I was in a hurry to get to that ball but was not setting up while moving toward the target.

As time went on and I developed various skills in tennis, including preparing my racket while heading toward the ball, and sizing up where I might hit the ball next. Oddly, having gained more skill and reaction time, the fast balls no longer seemed so fast or scary. They were just as fast but did not seem as fast. They were not making me panic anymore. I knew I could handle the ball just fine. I was moving just as quickly but I did not feel urgency or hast or worry. In the past, I feared I would not be able to handle it. Now I knew I was quite capable of handling it.

It was that assurance and confidence that made such a huge difference. As well, I had better skills to handle the ball, hit it, and place it, even strategize where to place it. I had also developed "rules" for what to do in various circumstances and situations. One rule for a short hit ball that brought me in. Another when I was on the baseline to the far right, my backhand. Another for the left side on my forehand. And various other scenarios, too.

When you know far more, you are far more capable and far more confident and self-assured. I tried another experiment. I had a friend who was far less skilled at tennis. I said, why don't we play, and I will try to hit with my right hand rather than my left, my strong dominant hand, normally. Of course, my right hand was weaker with far less accuracy. BUT  . . . I was still much better than my friend, whose dominant hand was far better than my weak hand, but his knowledge was far less. I knew all the things to do, even preparation as I moved toward the ball. The knowledge was more important than the eye-hand control and strength. The rest of my body still knew what to do far more than my friend/opponent.

When one reaches a new level of skill or knowledge, you will also feel a greater sense of confidence and you will feel good about yourself. We have to become acquainted with improvement and success. This is especially so if we do not feel good about ourselves or have no confidence. We have to be willing to experience temporary failure and lack of success. That is to say, learning something new will never be easy, but if we keep at it, we will eventually overcome and develop skill and proficiency.

Some expect to be able to master it right away and hate it when they can not. You have to get rid of those expectations. Expect to suck when you first start. Now some will notice that there are those who take to certain things naturally or seemingly fast. Yes, some do seem to have an inborn natural inclination in some areas. But in other things, they are just as clumsy as the next guy.

Many kids who excel in athletics remain dominant, partly because their peers who did not excel at say, baseball, did not continue to bother to play baseball much, since they were not good at it. But they could have continued to play and get better. My experience is that for me, I always loved athletics but did not have the build and my father never had an ounce of athletic skill or drive in him. Worse, I was very under-developed, physically. But I kept at sports, often playing with kids a couple years younger. I gained skill. I grew. I got stronger in my mid 20s. I kept at it hard because I loved competition. It was very exciting to me.

When the strength and skill finally came along, many of my peers who played on school teams were no longer superior to me. I stayed at it long enough so that though I was slow to start and slow out of the gate, I eventually caught and and passed some, too. Same for intellectual pursuits. It is vital to keep trying and applying yourself. find what you like to do or what you want to do and never give up. Eventually, though maybe not fast enough for your liking, you will improve as much as you want to.

It is that long term outlook. It was call long-suffering at one time. Put another way, do not expect fast results. Do not necessarily put any expectations upon yourself. Just keep in trying, with no deadlines in sight.

What I can say, if you'll for give a certain amount of conceit, but what I have accomplished in knowledge related to the Bible and archaeology is among the most advanced in the world. I know, I'm so modest ;-) But if I had started out wanting to get this far, I might not have made it for it would have seemed way too far out of reach. But since I was just going for the next step beyond the previous step, and kept that up, without noticing really, I found myself, from age 20 to age 55, 35 years in all, having made huge advances. Computers came along and made a huge difference as well as other things, too.

So just keep on moving in the direction you want. The rest will take care of itself. The inner brain will guide us and help us, just as it did when we learned to speak and hear, and understand our language.


Nay Sayers
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I began this article, seeing a few very important things to understand as regards progress and personal development. Self-pitty is so stupid and needs to be overcome. Same for that superiority complex, another aspect of selfishness and ego. These can all stop you fro making progress. But the need for a breakthrough event of success is among the most vital, after ditching the sins. We have to trust in and believe in our ability to naturally learn and progress.

There are nay-sayers to this. There are proponents, too, like Tony Robbins. But Dr. Janov is a nay-sayer. He says we can not do anything until we get rid of our stored traumatic pain, since it tends to hold us all back. I say, that the sub-conscious, which is the part that holds pain or releases it and associated memories, can release info to us if we seek it sincerely. The sub-conscious can help in learning and solving problems. It is there to serve the conscious, if the conscious truly wants it. But the sub-conscious can always tell when the conscious is lying. If the consciousness is insincere and does not really want to know, then the sub-conscious will take that cue and not deliver what was falsely asked for.

Janov has had many failures in his long career. Getting pain up and out is not always easy and is often very hard to coax up and out. Even if some comes out, it may take years to release enough to get to birth memories and associated traumas. Janov might do well to understand that intimate relationship between the sub and supra consciousness.

But Janov is not alone in avoiding making good use of the sub-conscious. Mainstream psychology also avoids dealing much with the sub-conscious. It prefers to keep us ignorant of how to progress and advance, as people and minds that want to heal and move forward.

What I have tried to show you are some of the biggest obstacles that hinder psychological and spiritual/intellectual healing. We are not just decision machines. We are full of emotional blocks and ulterior motives that keep us from progressing and developing an intellect that is free of interference and error. So we need to break that programming we inherited from parents and growing up, and correct it.

Self-pity, superiority complex, conditioned failure and conditioned success can all impede us in our growth, psychologically, intellectually, and spiritually. We could talk more about programming that I deal with that in other articles or will in time. I thought this article grappled with the worst "demons" we have inside us.



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